Jokes

PRAYING PARROTS

A beautiful, proper catholic lady dancer buys these two female parrots through the classified ads. What she doesn’t realize til it’s too late is that the parrots belonged to a couple of streetwalkers. The parrots only knew how to say “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

The lady swing dancer is very distressed at what her dance friends must think of her because of her parrot’s speech. She tries all sorts of training to fix the problem. But the parrots resist all efforts at reformation. Finally she approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?” the priest asked.

"They only know how to say “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed.

"But I have a solution to your problem. I have two parrots who are well trained. The only thing they say are Hail Marys while clutching rosaries in their claws. He was certain they would be a good influence on the lady's parrot.

“Bring your two female parrots over to my house. We will put them with my two male talking parrots who only pray the rosary. Then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

"Oh thank you," says the dancer, “I’ll bring them over tomorrow.

So the next day the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.

The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The dancer puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots.

Immediately the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "YOU CAN PUT THE BEADS AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!"

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THE CRUISE MAGICIAN AND

THE CAPTAIN’S PARROT

A magician was working in the lounge on a cruise ship, and every night, the captain of the ship would come in with his pet parrot and watch the act. The parrot seemed particularly fascinated by the magician's tricks and started watching them very closely. The audience was different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. The parrot hated being fooled by the magician, so he started shouting in middle of the show:

"Raawk, it's not the same hat!"

Or "Raawk, he's hiding the flowers under the table."

Or "raawk, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

This heckling continued for several weeks, and was completely ruining the magician's act, and needless to say, the magician grew to hate this bird, but he couldn't harm it, since it was the captain's pet.

One night after a particularly bad show, the magician was walking on the upper deck of the ship when a huge explosion ripped through the bottom decks of the ship. The magician jumped into a lifeboat and dropped to safety. As fate would have it, sink, the captain's parrot flew out from the sinking ship and landed in his lifeboat. They stared at each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another. On the third day, the parrot could not hold back

Finally, the parrot broke down...

"*Raawk!* I give up! Where’d you hide the ship!!??"